fire & rain
A client came to me with this question:
“How do I live with a partner who is consumed by anger, resentment, frustration — that spills out all over me? He uses me as an emotional punch bag, projecting his unprocessed feelings onto me.”
She explained that his anger wasn’t just about one thing. It was a collection — a growing pile of frustrations — at the economy, the government, the chancellor, the PM, the papers, the banks, the mortgage lenders, the insurance company, the builders, the best man who didn’t step up, his clients, his parents, his sister, the cleaning company… and her.
She said:
“It feels like it’s all my fault. Whatever I do or suggest is wrong, not good enough, not to his standards. He picks fault with everything — maybe to make me feel crap too? He picks fights to make me angry too, so he can justify his anger.”
This wasn’t new. It had been happening for years.
There had been a pause when he thought he’d lost her. He’d promised to do everything, anything, to make it up to her — to them — for the rest of their lives.
But then life threw more curveballs. School fees went up. Taxes went up. The mortgage went up. He lost a client at Christmas.
And then the old habits — the ones he knew were destructive — crept back in: drinking too much, eating processed junk, not sleeping… all fuelling the resentment and rage.
He began to push her away again — not physically violent, but shoving her emotionally, lashing out with words that wounded.
She protected herself by staying calm. She slept in a separate room just so she could rest, respond, not react.
Later, during a walk — when things felt a little more settled — he told her that her withdrawal wasn’t helpful. She reminded him:
“It was you who pushed me away. If we’re going to face this, it has to be together. As a team.”
Things improved… for a while.
But now? It’s worse.
His anger, she said, is like fire — spitting and hissing, flinging out hot embers.
So she’s protecting herself in new ways. Her work has become a sanctuary. She avoids being alone with him. She sits in the car, for hours sometimes, reading, watching the rain, letting his emotions pass through her like toxins.
I was thinking about my client early this morning, when I like to do my soul to soul, spirit to spirit question. I asked for guidance on how to help my client and anyone else in her situation.
My spirit reminded me of the coffee cup analogy…
The Coffee Cup Analogy:
You’re holding a cup of coffee.
Someone bumps into you.
Coffee spills everywhere.
Why did coffee spill out?
Because coffee was what was in the cup.
It didn’t spill because of the bump.
It spilled because that’s what was already inside.
The same is true for you.
When life gets bumpy — when you're stressed, tired, overwhelmed — whatever is inside you will spill out.
If you're filled with frustration, anger, resentment — that’s what will come out.
But if you're filled with peace, patience, joy — that’s what spills out instead.
When I shared this with my client today, we talked about what was in his coffee cup ..
And the fact that we can’t change that.
That’s his job. Happiness is an inside job.
The economy, the money, what others do — it might affect him temporarily, but it won’t shift what’s truly inside his cup.
So we brought the focus back to her cup. What was in it?
I shared with her the Hawkins Scale of Consciousness — the one that maps the energetic frequency of emotions. It always reminds me fondly of the phrase “love & above” — the range where we want to live, where joy, peace, enlightenment radiate.
She made a decision that day — to return to that intention.
To fill up her own cup with what brings her joy.
To do what she loves.
Not to try and do it for him. Or anyone else.
Just like I can only guide my clients, husband, kids, friends — I can’t can’t do it or feel it for them.
And, beautifully, this exact conversation circled back later that day — with another client too.
This woman, a high-achiever and caretaker for many, confessed to feeling totally depleted. She knew she needed to refill her cup, but she had forgotten what to fill it with.
It was the same reminder:
“Fill it with love & above.”
Joy. Peace. Grace. Trust. Enlightenment. Not the struggle. Not the guilt. Not the noise.
…
And finally, a reflection from my own walk that day.
While the fire still raged in my client’s world, I found myself walking through a sudden downpour — huge, soaking rain. It was cleansing. I smiled, remembering how much I love singing and dancing in the rain. My mum used to take me to musicals. “Dancing in the Rain” with Tommy Steele — I remember it so clearly.
Fire and rain. Opposites.
This morning, my own spirit had reminded me of the elements — and how they temper fire.
Air can blow it out.
Earth can smother it.
Water can douse it.
And then there’s the fifth element.(One of my favourite films.)
Aether. Spirit. Soul. The divine.
That unseen force. That whisper of truth.
It’s always there — for each of us — if we only pause to ask and listen.
My soul spoke and my spirit guided me. And I am so grateful for this connection.
.. this is my reminder to myself to be brilliant in the boardroom, the bedroom & in my body.
Love always
Ali xo
#remindertobebrilliant #thebrilliantyears #livebrilliantlyalive
“I actually felt a shift even after our first introductory chat. My six sessions have been life-changing in a way I had not imagined possible!”
