How to Build Self Trust: The Foundation for Courage and Change
Yesterday, I had two powerful sessions with women at different stages of their journeys: one on the board at her company, the other a teacher ready to step into entrepreneurship. Despite their different circumstances, both conversations circled back to the same thing: self trust.
Both women found themselves stuck. One in a job she no longer loves, unsure how to leave. The other in a relationship that no longer feels like it once did, where she feels judged for her ambition and drive. And in both cases, what was really missing wasn’t clarity about what to do next, it was trust in themselves to follow through on what their heart and soul knows.
What Self Trust Really Means
Self trust is exactly what it sounds like: trusting yourself. Simply.
But here’s where most of us lose it: we break the promises we make to ourselves while keeping the ones we make to everyone else.
Think about it. At the start of a new year, we promise ourselves we’ll eat healthier, move our bodies, read that book, book that holiday, finally give ourselves a break. But then life happens. We prioritise others. We keep the promises we make to them, but not the ones we make to ourselves. (Am I hitting a nerve? Tell me I am not wrong.. )
Your psyche notices this. It loses trust in you because no matter what you promise yourself, you don’t keep it.
Rebuilding Trust, One Promise at a Time
Start small. Keep the simpler promises:
I’m going to drink a pint of water before I get out of bed.
I’m going to go to bed earlier.
I’m going to leave my phone downstairs at night.
I’m going to look in the mirror and actually see myself and compliment my reflection.
These aren’t just habits, they’re acts of integrity with yourself.
Know Your Values (Not Just the Generic Ones)
Self trust isn’t only about keeping promises. It’s about creating an incredible relationship with yourself, being your head, your heart, your soul, your entire psyche.
And that starts with knowing your values. Not the generic ones everyone lists—integrity, honesty, but the ones that are truly yours. The ones you can repeat off the top of your head.
Mine are: Grit. Grace. Gratitude. Growth. Generosity. Genuine.
When I know my values and show up aligned with them every single day, I know I can trust myself. I know who I am, no matter what anyone says about me. I can trust myself to be that person.
Can you name yours? Not flippantly, but have you actually done the real work to define these and what they mean? (I have a full ‘Life Lab’ on this in the Joy Rebellion portal that guides you to determine these).
The Fastest Way to Know Yourself
One of the fastest ways I’ve found to truly know myself is through Human Design. It’s the best profiling tool I’ve ever encountered because you can’t cheat at it; it’s based on your birth time and location. Everyone I’ve done a reading for has the same reaction: “Oh my goodness, this is so me.”
Suddenly you have a blueprint for understanding yourself and your energy. You know how you work. And when you know how you work, you can trust yourself to navigate any situation.
{side note - When I heard mine first in 2021, it was as though I was reading a blueprint that really revealed my true nature, a giant permission slip to be me, not who everyone else wanted me to be. And when I did my sons - I had a guide book to understanding them and parenting them unique to them (No idea what I am talking about - find your HD & an introduction to understanding it here). }
The Big Lesson: Trust Yourself to Make It Right
Here’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned about self trust: I trust myself to know that whatever situation I’m in, I’ll make it the right one for me. I’ve got my back.
When I’m faced with options - A, B, C, D, E, F - I don’t overthink it. I choose based on what I know from my Human Design, from past experience, from my gut or instinct, and desire! And then I trust that whatever I choose, I’ll make it work.
For example - having just came back from the Maldives to celebrate my 50th birthday, there were hundreds of hotel and atoll options. We chose one, and I decided we were going to make it the best holiday ever. And we did. That’s self trust: knowing you’ll make the best of every situation. And if it’s not working? You trust yourself to change direction.
Finding the Courage to Choose
In one of yesterday’s conversations, my client said: “I’m a coward. I can’t make a decision. I can make decisions at work, but not in life—there’s more at stake, more to lose.”
This is where self trust becomes everything.
No matter what you choose, or when you choose it, you trust yourself to make it the right one.
Self trust means listening to your gut and your intuition without letting logic, other people’s beliefs, social or childhood conditioning overwrite it. Let your soul speak first. Then let logic back up what you already know in your core is the right decision.
Trust is not questioning yourself, not doubting yourself.
When you have self trust, you have absolute confidence and faith in yourself. It gives you the courage to do anything. It gives you clarity about what comes next. And it highlights the truth of who you are. Self trust is your f*cking super power! Turn it on!
If self trust is something you wish to cultivate so that you can feel courageous to make those bold steps in life, find the clarity of what those steps are, start small and ask these questions:
What promises have you been breaking with yourself?
Where have you lost trust in you?
And watch what becomes possible when you finally have your own back.
Love always,
Ali xo 🌹
This is a JOY101 code, the conversation continues in my private mentorship or in my membership - the Joy Rebellion. Not sure what the best fit is for you - book a call with me to make a decision.
Join The Joy Rebellion here or Learn more about working with me
Lots of love,
Ali x
The Joy Rebellion
The Joy Rebellion is my membership for women who thought life would get easier at 40 and instead find themselves juggling ageing parents, teenagers, hormones, careers, relationships and the quiet question of “is this it?” all at the same time.
It’s a grounded, supportive space to choose yourself without blowing up your life - a “for you” moment in the middle of the chaos - using joy as a strategy to help you anchor back into who you are, stay in your own energy, and return to your life clearer, steadier and still brilliant in the boardroom, the bedroom and your body.
“Just a few short weeks ago I was stuck and everything felt hard
My finances, my emotions & my energy - nothing was flowing
I met Ali in the summer and have been following her Instagram since. Her joy looked beautiful and i realised it was what I wanted and needed in my life
Joining Ali’s membershiphas literally turned my life around
I am now overflowing with abundance, I wake up excited and I’m falling heavily in love with myself
My self worth, happiness and finances have sky rocketed and I now feel full of hope, big dreams and so very grateful for the life I have
Life really is better when you Joy is at the core of each decision you make and I’m so thrilled Ali showed me the way”
