The Power of AND: Rising Like a Rose
There are two sides to every woman. Like a rose, softness in the petals, thorns on the stem.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. About the power of a single word to completely transform how we see ourselves and move through the world.
That word is AND.
The Day I Remembered AND
Yesterday, spending my third Christmas celebration with my Dad, step-Mum, sister, nieces, and nephews, one of my clients reminded me of something I say often but had almost forgotten the weight of: “the power of AND.”
I’ve been saying it for years to my clients, but hearing it reflected back to me made me realise how much this simple shift has changed so much in my life, how I see it, how I live it.
Because for the longest time, I lived in a world of OR. A world where I believed that choosing one thing meant abandoning another. Where loving one part of my life meant I couldn’t fully embrace something else.
I thought that because I loved champagne, I couldn’t be healthy.
I thought that because I was devoted to my work and my clients, it somehow meant I loved my boys, Tom and Will, less.
I thought that being a “good” mother meant sacrificing the parts of me that craved independence, adventure, and the deep fulfilment I find in my work.
I thought that enjoying luxury, like beautiful hotels, soft silk dresses and cashmere scarves, turning left as you board a plane, moments of pure indulgence, made me less spiritual or somehow shallow.
I thought that if I made lots of money, it meant I couldn’t also be generous, kind, or a good person.
The world of OR is exhausting. It’s a constant negotiation, a perpetual choosing, a never-ending trade-off that leaves you feeling like you’re always abandoning some part of yourself.
When I Hit Rock Bottom
Back in 2016, when I hit what I call my “rock bottom”—dealing with the grief of losing my mum, a broken relationship, health issues and clinical depression, I was living deeply in OR territory.
I was either a good wife and mother OR a successful professional.
I was either taking care of myself OR taking care of everyone else.
I was either present for my family OR pursuing my passions and ambitions.
The weight of those choices crushed me. Because here’s the truth: I didn’t want to choose. I wanted it all. Not in a greedy, grasping way, but in a fully human, fully alive way.
I wanted to be a loving wife to James, the man I’ve been with since I was 20. I wanted to be present for my boys. I wanted to throw sticks for Rocky & Rambo in the Yorkshire countryside. AND I wanted to build something meaningful. I wanted to help women. I wanted to create, to write, to speak, to guide.
Why did it have to be one or the other?
The Liberation of AND
When I finally gave myself permission to use AND instead of OR, everything opened up.
Suddenly, I could see that:
**I can be this AND that.**
**I can do this AND that.**
**I can experience this AND that.**
I just can’t be here AND there at the same time (still working on that one 😉although zoom helps!).
I can be a loving wife & mum AND love my work with a fierce devotion.
I can love the mountains AND the sea; those train journeys through the Dales for reflection, and also the pull of the ocean, the salt air, the vast horizon.
I can love champagne AND water. Chocolate AND crisp green salad. Moments of pure indulgence AND times of crystal clean purity.
I can love yoga AND working up a sweat at the gym.
I can love and enjoy having lots of money AND be a good person, generous and kind.
The Full, Contradictory Truth of Who We Are
Here’s what I’ve learned: We are not meant to be simple. We are not meant to be one-dimensional. We are not meant to fit neatly into a single box or category or identity.
I am professional AND private.
A mother AND a muse.
Masculine AND feminine.
I love the written word AND love to speak. You’ll find me in solitude, deep in a book with a cup of tea and the fire going, and the next minute, I’m the life and soul of a party, glass of champagne in hand, laughing until my face hurts.
I can be romantic AND fiercely independent.
Strength AND softness.
Highly sophisticated AND super relaxed.
I love luxury, beautiful fabrics, well-designed spaces, the feel of quality beneath my fingers, AND I love to go barefoot, feeling the earth beneath my feet, wild and unrestrained.
I wear ripped denim AND love a newly ironed crisp cotton shirt.
My playlists move from Rachmaninoff to Mozart to AC/DC to Adele without apology.
I’m colourful AND monochrome. Joy-focused AND deeply philosophical. A Taoist student AND someone who believes in manifestation and Human Design.
Why We Think We Have to Choose
Somewhere along the way, we got the message that we had to choose. That being multifaceted made us unreliable. That changing our minds made us flaky. That wanting different things at different times made us inconsistent.
We were told to “pick a lane.”
To “stay in our box.”
To be “clear” about who we are.
But clarity doesn’t mean simplicity. And knowing yourself doesn’t mean reducing yourself to a single adjective or role.
The woman who holds everyone else; the C-suite executive, the devoted mother, the caring daughter managing aging parents - she doesn’t get to be just one thing. She contains multitudes. She has to.
And yet, we keep telling ourselves that we have to choose.
The Rose Rising from the Shit
There’s a reason I love the image of the rose. Not because it’s pretty (though it is), but because of what it represents.
A rose rises from the shit. From the messy, dark, uncomfortable soil that nobody wants to talk about. It doesn’t apologize for its origins. It doesn’t pretend it grew in sterile laboratory conditions.
It has softness in its petals; beauty, vulnerability, the capacity to be touched and moved.
AND it has thorns on its stem; protection, boundaries, the ability to say “no” and mean it.
Both are essential. Both are true. Both exist in the same plant, the same moment, the same expression of life.
That’s us. That’s you.
What AND Opens Up
When you give yourself permission to embrace AND, here’s what becomes possible:
You can transition from a corporate career at Accenture AND build a thriving coaching practice around joy.
You can have severely challenging days AND still believe that joy is the foundation of everything.
You can need rest AND find sanctuary in your work.
You can approach 50 AND feel more alive, more “wild” (my word for 2026), more passionate and eager than ever before.
You can honour tradition AND rebel against what no longer serves you.
You can hold space for others AND require that space be held for you.
You can be “the person who holds the woman who holds everyone else” AND have your own moments of falling apart.
Where Are You Using OR?
So here’s what I want to ask you:
Where are you using OR when you could be using AND?
Where are you limiting yourself because you think being one thing means you can’t be another?
Where have you made yourself smaller, simpler, more digestible because you thought that’s what was required?
What if you didn’t have to choose?
What if you could love champagne AND prioritize your health?
What if you could be deeply ambitious AND deeply present?
What if you could want luxury AND simplicity, adventure AND home, independence AND intimacy?
What if the goal wasn’t to pick a side but to embrace the full, glorious, contradictory truth of who you actually are?
The Joy Rebellion Starts with AND
This is why AND is at the heart of what I call The Joy Rebellion. Because joy itself requires us to embrace contradiction.
Joy isn’t earned after you’ve completed all your tasks. Joy doesn’t wait until you’ve perfected yourself. Joy doesn’t ask you to choose between responsibility and pleasure, between showing up for others and showing up for yourself.
Joy says: AND.
Joy says: You can have both. You can be both. You can experience both.
Joy says: You don’t have to wait. You don’t have to shrink. You don’t have to apologize for wanting the full spectrum of human experience.
Today’s Invitation
So today, I’m inviting you to notice where you’ve been living in OR.
Notice where you’ve been telling yourself that choosing one thing means abandoning another.
Notice where you’ve made yourself simpler than you actually are.
And then, gently, powerfully, try AND instead.
See what opens up.
See how much more spacious your life becomes when you’re not constantly negotiating with yourself, constantly choosing, constantly abandoning parts of who you are.
You are the rose rising from the shit, soft and adaptable in the petals, protectively ‘thorny’ on the stem.
You are professional AND private.
Strong AND soft.
Sophisticated AND relaxed.
Romantic AND fiercely independent.
You are all of it. And that’s not just okay, that’s beautiful. That’s powerful. That’s the fullness of being human.
AND is the most important word you can include in your vocabulary.
Start using it today.
Lots of love,
Ali x
Someone stole my playbook!
I saw this quote on the socials that said
‘MIGHT FUCK ABOUT AND MAKE JOY MY REBELLION’
Rebellious joy in my play book is not an act in defiance of something or someone else.
It is an act FOR you.
Just On Yourself.
J.O.Y.
The Joy Rebellion will become the new name for my membership - currently ‘The Love Club’ on 6th January. This is your invitation to be part of it. Email me ali@alimortimer.com for details on how to join me or book a call with me using the link below.
“Just a few short weeks ago I was stuck and everything felt hard
My finances, my emotions & my energy - nothing was flowing
I met Ali in the summer and have been following her Instagram since. Her joy looked beautiful and i realised it was what I wanted and needed in my life
Joining the Love Club/Joyful Rebellion has literally turned my life around
I am now overflowing with abundance, I wake up excited and I’m falling heavily in love with myself
My self worth, happiness and finances have sky rocketed and I now feel full of hope, big dreams and so very grateful for the life I have
Life really is better when you Joy is at the core of each decision you make and I’m so thrilled Ali showed me the way”
