Going in Circles? Good…
Nothing is Linear. Everything is Circular.
When people tell me they're going in circles, I say good.
Tell me what you're learning. Tell me how it's helping you rise, elevate, reach for your next level. Because your next goal? It's up there – not over there. The quickest way is to go round in a spiral.
My story is definitely that. Where I left, I came back. But better. More valuable than I would have been if I'd gone on a straight career path.
Let me take you back 30 years and show you what I mean.
Where It All Began
1995: I'm at uni. I've met my husband. I have no idea what I want to do other than have a family, be a teacher, have time for art and creativity and writing.
A decade later, I'm at Accenture. I'm being led out of a boardroom at a multi-channel Argos project. I'm crying because just before I was due to present, someone told me they'd just had their 12-week scan. Two weeks before my presentation, I was having a D&C for our first baby. A dream lost. They gave me compassionate leave and counselling for as long as I needed it.
By the end of that year, I'm at Asda, redesigning their home shopping offering. On my first day, I take a pregnancy test just before I go into the welcome meeting. It's positive. That same year, I meet Frenchie – a neighbour who becomes a close friend.
Fast forward another 10 years to 2015. I've left Asda. The juggle of parenthood and the inequality of pay is making me sick – both physically and emotionally. I'm freelancing back with an ex-Accenture partner. I've started a health and wellness business on the side to help me understand how I could prevent Alzheimer's. Mum is bad. James is working in London during the week. Our boys are now at two different schools, 50 minutes apart.
It's a lot.
One autumnal evening, Frenchie joins me for supper. It's the night my mum is arrested, sectioned and put in a mental home. Frenchie suggests I start a blog like Andy Bond (or was it Andy Clarke) did at Asda.
I tell her I wouldn't just do one a month. I commit to the daily task of writing, reflecting and sharing the stories.
And so begins the Ali Sandwiches years. I write daily for 911 days.
When I started, of course, I couldn't have possibly known what was going to happen. Less than four months later, my mum dies.
And a few months later – to be precises – it is exactly 9 years to the day that I deliver this blog, October 23rd – as I pick up the boys from half-term tennis camp, a woman scorned sends me over 40 photos and messages showcasing how wrong I was about my 'perfect relationship'.
It's Frenchie's door that I find myself walking through. My memory is blank from shock for the next few days.
The Five Ds
That week, I'm diagnosed by a very compassionate doctor with PTSD, clinical depression, eating disorders and insomnia.
In such a short space of time, I've experienced what I now call The 5 Ds:
Death – my mum dying of pneumonia.
Divorce – my marriage in ruins.
Dead end – in my career. I can't work. I have no idea what's next.
Depression – a clinical diagnosis. A diabolical existence.
Dysmorphia – looking in the mirror saying... you are such a failure. You can't do anything right. Your career, your marriage, your health. You are no good for anyone.
I felt broken.
I was lost.
I couldn't look back because nothing made sense. It was all smoke and mirrors.
I couldn't look forward because the future I had been excited for no longer existed.
In the present, I was in pain.
I had lost my joy.
I had lost my identity.
I had lost the trust in myself.
What I Found
But in losing my mind, I found something.
I felt my heart beating. My mum dying taught me to live and LOVE the life I was living.
I heard my soul speak, very loudly. The voice of my intuition telling me what to do next – which was totally illogical and against everything that everyone else was telling me to do.
I remembered who I was. What my soul mission was.
The journey from nine years ago to today has continued on a non-linear path. Trusting in my intuition. Following my heart.
My definition of success was no longer symbols of success. It became a feeling:
To love what I do.
To love who I do it with.
To love myself – looking in the mirror and saying yes, you are being true to you and proud of what you stand for and achieving.
Who I Am Today
I am an IT consultant turned life consultant.
Where once upon a time I re-coded systems to function and pay better, I now reprogramme hearts and minds and souls to feel and live better.
I am returning to the boardrooms that I left in tears, or in frustration and anger. But now I come with a toolbox and stories for every scenario that my clients come to me with:
Death, grief, loss.
Divorce, relationships, heartbreak, betrayal, new love.
Dysmorphia – the image they see in the mirror that disappoints them.
Dead end in their career – "I am too old, not good enough."
Depression – "Is this it?"
The Reframes
Here's a couple of things that I find most women want to talk about and how I reframe them.
When people tell me they have imposter syndrome, I tell them they're buying into a concept that I don't accept. My imposter is my superpower.
When people tell me they want work-life balance so they don't burn out, I tell them that balance is bullshit and burnout was the best thing to ever happen to me.
Let's start there.
Burning Out - Instead of fearing it, embrace it.
Because burning is also being on fire. You are on fire. You will burn through to the other side.
To stop you burning out, keep the fuel alive. Bring in strategy and energetic principle.
Energetic principle: Fuel is joy. Do what you love – is that success? Or find a way to love it. Love is the fuel. Creativity. Endless energy. This is how it's easy rather than hard. There is still effort, but it feels effortless because of the enjoyment.
Strategy: Support yourself with systems, structures and a support team. The 3 Es of health. Put yourself first. You don't have to do it alone.
I didn't do either and I burnt out.
Balance won't save you. But equilibrium will.
Why Balance is Bullshit
Work-life balance. 50/50. Equal parts.
Tell me a woman who just sees life as work and life. It's so much more.
Work equals team, peers, colleagues, connections, people, human connection, strategy, brain power, ideas, planning.
Life is not simple either – partners or lack of, dependents like parents and kids, pets, houses, gardens, friends, hobbies, health.
100 different things in our life to balance equally? Bullshit.
What you need is equilibrium and harmony. And you do that by balancing something different than work and life – masculine and feminine energies.
Masculine is doing. The planning, the strategy, the action. It is the container.
Feminine is being. The energy, the trust, the connection, the intuition, the emotion, the sensing, the softness, the flow.
Think of champagne.
The container is the masculine – the bottle, the glass, the flute, the coupe, the paper cup.
The champagne is the feminine – the flow, the fluidity, the flexibility that trusts in the masculine.
You need both.
Masculine and feminine go together. Yin and yang. They are here to complement, not compete. Together they create success.
You create balance by harmonising your structures, plans and strategies for your whole life with your being – who you are, your values, beliefs, what you stand for.
When you trust in your masculine to hold you and you trust your feminine to find the flow, this is harmony in yourself. And this creates rock-solid confidence.
Confidence and the Imposter
Marilyn Monroe said, "I wish women had the confidence of mediocre men."
Let's talk about confidence and that imposter.
Imposter syndrome. The self-doubt or self-deprecating. The feeling of not being good enough. The feeling of being a fraud and being found out.
But in my world, my imposter is my superhero.
When I have those thoughts, I don't let them hold me back, stop me, make me play small. It's understanding that those voices are really giving me an opportunity.
So you think you aren't good enough? Can I do better? I know I can do better. So let's do it better.
Or I invite in the compassionate side: Am I doing my best?
Given that my mum's in hospital, my teen is out at a party and I haven't slept in fear, the new puppy my husband decided was a good idea has chewed my notebook and I have no idea what I'm doing – yes, I am doing my best. OK, let's just go with it until I can do better.
The Real Issue: Confidence, Not Competence
On the subject of confidence, when I looked to see if the gender pay gap had changed in the last decade after I left in disgust, I saw it hadn't.
And it has nothing to do with competence – that our imposter would have us believing.
It has everything to do with confidence.
Confidence is a feeling. It's a feminine energy. Therefore it requires a feminine solution, not a masculine one.
Confidence equals trust in oneself.
I have got me. Trust. I know whatever happens, I trust that I will find a way and whatever way I choose, I will make it the right way or I will create a new path.
How do you trust yourself? You know yourself.
Your values – what you stand for – is who you are. Not your titles.
The best way to really know yourself is through a feminine profiling tool. Human Design. It's based on spirituality but founded in science. It's like seeing yourself in high definition in the mirror – yes, that's me and I know me, I like me and I trust me.
The C’s for Confidence
Along with the confidence you gain from trusting in yourself , you amplify it with:
Cohesion – Head, Heart, Soul, Self.
It's your whole self in sync with itself and a vision you are here to create – for your life, for your work.
Head thinks your thoughts. Heart feels your emotions. Soul speaks your mission and vision. Self acts – either to protect or create depending on the belief in your head, fears or feelings in your heart, and soul vision being in alignment.
Consistency – of your feminine power.
How you maintain the frequency of your energy. Hawkins scale. Frequency is what you attract. Where joy, love, peace, enlightenment are the creators of your reality – super attractor for me. Versus anger, apathy – your blockers.
The Power of Feminine Energy
We can fear our feminine energy because we know how powerful it really is. We've been conditioned to ignore it.
We know that when we walk into a room, we can influence the energy. Just our presence can change the feeling, the vibe of a room. Just like we know when we walk into a room – we feel it.
Energy speaks.
Energy influences.
Energy is the true power.
Energy is endless, infinite and is what expands whatever we come in contact with.
When we bring it into the boardrooms – the trust, the intuition – when we bring it to shape the plans and the strategies...
Because it isn't a competition of man versus woman, masculine versus feminine. It's a collaboration. It's harmony.
When we allow the feminine energy within us to collaborate with the masculine energy within us and around us, this is what makes us memorable, irreplaceable and able to remain in the roles we were destined for.
And the more we connect through energy and collaborate, we will create progress for women in the workplace for generations.
Nothing is linear. Everything is circular. Keep rising.
Love always,
Ali xo 🌹
Everything that matters is circular
This is my message to a room of female leaders in the Health Care Industry.
My career, my relationships, my health, my income streams, my life has had many plot twists, dead ends, disappointments and perceived failures.. but my family circle & support group is strong.
But it only reinforces… that nothing is linear.
Everything that matters - is circular.
“I chose to work with Ali, as I am in the midst of a demanding career—constantly “on,” always striving, and was slowly beginning to see that I was leaving parts of myself behind in the process. I was tired, stretched thin, and craving space to reconnect with who I was beyond the deadlines and expectations.
What I needed wasn’t just another strategy for time management or productivity a big list of smart goals, I needed a shift—a way to bring my whole self back into the picture without burning out. That’s what drew me to Ali. Her grounded presence, her ability to listen beyond words, her own corporate experience, Ali has way of guiding that encourages me to reflect and feel seen.
My hope is to continue to create more balance, more clarity, and to find a way of living and working that actually feels sustainable. And through our work together, that’s exactly what I am finding, a deeper connection to myself, more honesty around what works for me and what doesn’t. It’s also the fun and joy in the conversations, the reframe from coulds and shoulds to be being devoted to my whole life.”
