Joy is always with you, even when she isn’t leading
I am Joy, even when I am sad.
As I pondered the complexities of the human emotions, it was rather serendipitous that an old blog post of mine popped up on my memories and it said perfectly what I had been trying to articulate!
In my 3 years of daily blogging from 2016, this is the blog post that I remember writing the most. One that got me the most beautiful comments and meant that I received many gifts of ‘Joy’ over the following weeks.
A few short weeks after I wrote this blog, I lost joy for a while.
But the thing is, she was always there, just a little quieter. I could access her through meditation & stillness. And then one day a few months down the line, I choose to let her lead again.
Ever since then, I have made a conscious decision to let her lead, to let her walk with sadness, to let her take the hand of fear, honour disgust & placate anger…
Perhaps I even modelled myself on her……?
An extract that melted my heart when I re-read it:
“Tom – immediately – ‘I would be the yellow one – joy! Although a boy version of joy.’ He was so excited about telling me all the rules and tricks of how to be safe in a scrum. He was in his element.
‘What would you be Mummy?’ I asked them to guess…. ‘Joy!’ Of course! I love that they recognise that in me.
And Willy. He was more considered. ‘I would be the blue one.’ Tom did not understand that. ‘The sad one?? How come?’
‘Because I am lonely. And sometimes maybe the purple one.’ Fear.
Oh my little man. My sons’ completely different natures always intrigue me.
We asked Willy lots of questions about why he would be blue and purple, sad and frightened. The loneliness came from not having many friends yet in his new school. But he is ok with it… he likes being and working alone. And the fear came from Tom being mean to him and Daddy when he was angry at breaking his remote control car.
His honesty melts my heart.
We asked if he was ever yellow and happy. ‘Not very much, but maybe when I watch my dirtbike movies. But I am quite happy being blue and purple, Mum.’
My mission is to bring out his joy, his own version of his joy. Or at least help him to choose ‘joy’ as his dominant emotion.”
Little did I know, that my mission for him, was the test run for my own mission.
I am JOY
The original blog post was written in October 2016, a couple of weeks laster, JOY was devastated and overwhelmed by sadness, shame and shock after a deep wounding betrayal came to light. It became my mission to bring JOY to the front of my control panel again… and that is how everything started.
“After receiving Ali’s guidance, it made sense why there is a conflict between his decision making process and mine! Now I know that I can tap into my own intuition and to trust his decision.”
